Sexuality

Well there's really no where to start but from the top...what is sexuality to me?...or what is it to you or us?  For me it has been a tool for unlocking myself, with every step of experience there seems to be a new level of understand that breaks through...it's usually at some sort of cost though.  Whether that's emotionally, physically, financially or whatever.  I sometimes just crave being by myself, jacking off alone can be peaceful...no emotional attactments but in my case I have in the past created a fantasy dimension that isn't really healthy either.  Sex, SEx, SEX...everyday I feel a I need of some sort for stimulation, it's like it gives me a peace.  Maybe that's the way guys experience orgasms...it's like a release that lets out all the things that I want and desire where as girls experience an inner explosion or something...at least that's what I've heard.  I can relate a little bit with a girl's orgasm because I've been masturbating since before I could remember.  Before I could actually cum there was a inner fulfillment but that changed when my body changed and the closest I've come to those feelings is making love (I mean with someone you really have loving feelings for) or deep obsession (meaning someone you want to possess because you feel that they will make you whole).  I don't think people should fool themselves to think that sex is just fun and games because if you make it that way, you will always be presented with new opponents, new challenges and struggles.  If you make is a game it becomes like gambling...sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...maybe you are really lucky but the point of the game is not for you to win.  I used to like those games but I guess I lost too many times that play roles didn't matter anymore and just feeling something real became more important.  At the end of the day, I still am horny...it general comes from being unsatisfied for me or just a craving that I can't control.