What am I?

It's really funny to imagine what I am?  So many labels that others try to fit you into but are those really the labels that you identify with?  Well to be honest everyone sits down at some point and asks themselves if the way others feel about them is really how they are.  I still play this game with myself at times but it only makes me laugh because I've already done everything and there really isn't too much more to experience other than what I really don't want to.  Has anyone ever ask themselves honestly what feels good, then compared that to what feels right?  Play with that over and over on every level...you just might get answers to inner questions that you never knew existed.  Sexuality can be amazing when you are exploring true sensations that you inwardly desire but can feel terrible when you are experiencing pleasure solely through the mind's desire.  What I mean is there are pleasure on many levels and when you dive into the heart you can experience more heightened experiences.  This can even be with close friends but for many people they can't handle this complexity because they need to label things just to understand them.  There are other levels of pleasure as well.  There are sexual encounters that give you power or make you feel empowered.  At these moments you might not even understand why you are attracted to a person but you seem to receive something uplifting from your crossing moments.  If you are someone that wants it all, like me, it's going to take some time and I recommend not sleeping with everyone to find that ultimate sensation.  Perfection for me is the mind's desire incorporated with the pleasure from the compassion of the heart entwined with the magnetic influence of being empower by an individual...RARE...these pleasure are like soul mate pleasures.  Regardless it's a good idea to learn about your pleasures beyond what you should feel and to understand the depth of what am I really feeling. 

Sexuality

Well there's really no where to start but from the top...what is sexuality to me?...or what is it to you or us?  For me it has been a tool for unlocking myself, with every step of experience there seems to be a new level of understand that breaks through...it's usually at some sort of cost though.  Whether that's emotionally, physically, financially or whatever.  I sometimes just crave being by myself, jacking off alone can be peaceful...no emotional attactments but in my case I have in the past created a fantasy dimension that isn't really healthy either.  Sex, SEx, SEX...everyday I feel a I need of some sort for stimulation, it's like it gives me a peace.  Maybe that's the way guys experience orgasms...it's like a release that lets out all the things that I want and desire where as girls experience an inner explosion or something...at least that's what I've heard.  I can relate a little bit with a girl's orgasm because I've been masturbating since before I could remember.  Before I could actually cum there was a inner fulfillment but that changed when my body changed and the closest I've come to those feelings is making love (I mean with someone you really have loving feelings for) or deep obsession (meaning someone you want to possess because you feel that they will make you whole).  I don't think people should fool themselves to think that sex is just fun and games because if you make it that way, you will always be presented with new opponents, new challenges and struggles.  If you make is a game it becomes like gambling...sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...maybe you are really lucky but the point of the game is not for you to win.  I used to like those games but I guess I lost too many times that play roles didn't matter anymore and just feeling something real became more important.  At the end of the day, I still am horny...it general comes from being unsatisfied for me or just a craving that I can't control.